Wonder I

11th August 2011

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Falling

So, a month and 2 days ago, I met this girl. Her name is Maren, and she is the most beautiful, most amazing thing in all of existence. I’ve never experienced really falling in love before, but that’s what we have. I didnt understand why it was called “falling” before, but now think I do. Its exhilarating, thrilling, and a little scary. It’s all so new and she is everything I could have ever dreamed of and more, and I never could ask for anything more. She makes me feel safe, and most of all, she makes me feel like I matter. Like I’ll never be alone again. Being alone has been one of my greatest fears in life for the longest time, and no one but my family ever really made that go away entirely, and when mom passed away recently, the fear was stronger than ever. Yet this girl I’ve known for just a month makes the entire idea of that seem so silly. She makes me feel loved, and that’s all a person needs in the world. She is all I need.
Maren, you are my hearts desire.

10th August 2011

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A song. I hope you’ll read this

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Star light, Star bright

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The light above is fading slowly

the sun is setting over our hearts.

I can’t believe this floating feeling,

Is this how my first love starts?

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Well I never imagined a moment

that could make me feel this way.

Electricity moving through my veins

girl, I wish you could stay

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Your eyes are like drops of the moonlight

Your smile like the stars in the sky.

I don’t know if I’ll ever deserve you

but damned if I’m not gonna try

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You are my star light

I’ll never let you fall

I’ll let my love shine star bright.

I’ll answer when you call

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Well I never imagined a moment

that could make me feel this way.

Electricity moving through my veins

girl, I wish you could stay

.

I lie awake, your arms around me,

your head resting soft next to mine.

I feel like I am where I’m meant to be,

at home for the very first time

.

Well I never imagined a moment

that could make me feel this way.

Electricity moving through my veins

girl, I wish you could stay

.

I dont know if I’ll ever deserve you,

but damned if I’m not gonna try.

1st July 2011

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Life changes too fast

I don’t have many followers, but I don’t write for others, I write for me.

I just need to write down how I feel, because my mom, the woman who has given me my strength in life, is dying.  The doctor’s have said that she maybe only has a week left, and I don’t know how I feel.  I am numb right now, and I just want to wake up.  I can’t believe this is real.  My heart is breaking, but I also hope that her suffering ends soon, if this isn’t a nightmare.  I hope it is.  No matter how real it is, I still hope so much that this is a terrible awful nightmare.

 I don’t know what to do.  Everything I know is breaking.  Why can’t I feel it in my heart yet?